Was myspace invented to encourage humans to mock themselves?

I just read the following sentence on someone’s myspace page: "Everyone tells me I have an old soul." Pardon me, but no they don’t. No one says that. Except people who are reading from a bad movie script. Or people named Paula Abdul.

I urge you, brethren, in view of God’s mercy, to stay away from myspace if you can. That’s a weird little universe.

My brother (the middle one who once burned down a forest) introduced me to myspace at Christmas by showing me lots of people we grew up with. I signed myself up over there to utilize their odd networking scheme to contact a couple of old friends I hadn’t been in touch with in many years. I have since been amazed by how many other old friends have found me.

This post is not all about myspace.

But this part is about myspace. While I was in college, my parents moved away from the small west Texas town where I went to middle and high school. I’ve only been back a few times since then, and only once in the last ten years. I don’t see these people much. myspace enables you to see these people again. It’s very strange. What I find most puzzling is how many of these people have changed their names since high school. Seriously. At some point in their post-high school life they determined that the first name they’d used up to that point was no longer serving them well, and they went another direction. Very curious. My middle brother (the one who once burned down a gigantic forest, which not only destroyed lots of trees and all of the wildlife that called those trees home, but also triggered the mass global warming that now threatens to kill us all) once changed the spelling of his name. But he changed it back. This is odd, but not as odd as completely divorcing oneself from one’s name and making up a new one.

I have not changed my name. Maybe I should. Biff? Conan? Lance Armstrong?

Barack Obama is apparently a heavy smoker. This, for me, seems odd. I don’t know why.

I did not go to high school with Barack Obama, but he probably does have a myspace page.

On myspace, people list things like their sexual orientation and their income level and whether or not they smoke or drink. Can anyone explain this to me?

Do you think Barack admits to smoking on his myspace page?

Many people also have a clever little inspirational quote next to their photo on their myspace page. My favorite so far: "I WASN’T BORN WITH ENOUGH MIDDLED FINGERS" You and me both, sister.

Several people include photos of their car on their myspace page. Anyone want to see a picture of my ’93 Toyota Camry with the antenna bent at a 45 degree angle into (literally) the trunk?

Which reminds me: Did one of you hosers break off my antenna and steal it? It’s no longer bent at a 45 degree angle into the trunk. Now it’s just broken off.

Is the point of myspace, more or less, to prove to the world that you are, in fact, even stranger than we all thought you were in high school? I’m just asking because I am, in fact, even stranger than everyone thought I was in high school. I just need to know if myspace was invented for me to prove this.

This is my middle brother – the one who once burned down a forest the size of Vermont resulting in the imminent melting of the planet. I took this photo from his myspace page which I suppose answers my last question.

Crazyasstreekillerglobewarmer

This turned out to mostly be about myspace. But you already know that.

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5 thoughts on “Was myspace invented to encourage humans to mock themselves?

  1. Sure, it’s true!!! I had to get right onto MySpace and find you to request you to add me as a friend (he he).

  2. I also was persuaded to join MySpace, and have re-met several people I went to high school with. My favorite profile is copied below. It is from a former classmate of mine turned male model. Notice his day includes 5 showers and a bath.
    “Well before you ask…YES I am a model. My day usually starts at about 7:00 with a protein shake and a light breakfast. From there I shower and brush my teeth then go to the gym to work out. My work out lasts for about an hour and then I go running outside (with my shirt off of course) this works out perfectly because there are a lot of people heading to work at that time and they get to watch me. After my run I go back home and shower. Then I have another shake. Once my shake is done, about 9:45 I get ready for the day. So about 12:00 I am ready and eating lunch. I then have to go to my shoot which can be anywhere. So that last for about an hour (professionals are done quickly). This brings me to roughly 2:00pm and of course that means pool time. I then go lay out for a couple of hours to make sure I get an even tan. After that I go and get ready for rush hour traffic running. This is my favorite time to run because I can still get some sun and the oil helps to define my already chiseled physique. Once I am done letting people enjoy me running I go and shower. It is then time for a quick snack and back to the gym for the next work out. This one is much lighter and really just to tone the muscles. When that is done I shower and eat a low-carb dinner prepared by my chef. Alfonso makes some of the best high impact meals I have ever had. Finally after dinner my day is half over. I then shower and get ready to network at whatever club my agent says is the hottest. Of course I am ALWAYS V.I.P. I won’t go somewhere unless I am on the list (but I am always on the list). When that is done I go home relax in a rejuvenating bath and go to bed to get ready for the next day.”

  3. It was like 2 trees. Not a forest. And the only animal left homeless was the dog whose house I filled with dry pine needles to start the blaze.
    I will take credit for global warming though. If I’m gonna be known for something, it might as well be something big. Everyone better thank me though if we all get to Heaven a little earlier. We did have 4 inches of snow here in central Texas on Easter though, so I must not have warmed things up too much.
    Holy Cow! I’ve spent too much time here. I need to go check my friend requests.
    (and maybe I’ll visit the eye Dr. and a barber)

  4. Hey Thad-
    I still have tears in my eyes I laughed so hard!
    I guess I shouldn’t laugh too hard, I’m the one who married that guy in the picture. Hmm.

  5. Oddly, Middle Brother who Hates Trees, that April snow is actually evidence of global warming. It’s all an enigma wrapped in a paradox cloaked in a mystery. Also, remember that by triggering global warming, you’re not only sending people to heaven sooner. I’m just saying…

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