The following really happened in our home:

Sunday night, Amy and I were winding up a very good, but very tiring weekend. Our little community of people who like Jesus a lot has begun something of an annual tradition (which means we’ve done it twice now – in our world, that’s a tradition) of heading out to a nearby camp and spending a weekend together. This year there were nearly 100 of us there for two or three days just hanging out and enjoying each other. It’s great, but Texas in August is Texas in August, and the whole thing is laced with much heat and dust. I also had to scramble back to College Station on Sunday afternoon for a wedding.

Anyway, by Sunday night, we were more than a little tired and were starting to settle into the bed a bit earlier than usual. I was preoccupied with something else and Amy was flipping channels when she stumbled upon the genius of the The Karate Kid on a local Spanish channel. She stopped just in time for us to discover that Mr. Myagi saying, "Banzai Danielsan!" translates, "Banzai Danielsan!" and Daniel responding with, "BANZAI!!!!!!!!!" translates, "BANZAI!!!!!!!!!" The rest was dubbed, and not well. All of that, of course, was thrilling to me. Though my long years of high school and college training (absent much subseqent practice) have left me speaking only a broken version of this language, I was prepared to sit and watch the whole movie in Spanish. Excited even. Then something bad happened.

Apparently some parts of the plot don’t translate well in Spanish, and we watched as significant pieces of the story were tragically edited out for no discernable reason. When Daniel’s accusations of Ali’sGolfnstuff
snobbery and his subsequent mea culpa were cut such that we were left with no idea of how they got from anger to nuzzling in front of the water slide at Golf N’ Stuff, it was too much. I mean, straight from "¡Eh, me rindo! ¡No disparen!" to "Supongo que sabes lo del torneo de mañana." Unacceptable.

It was at this point that I got out of bed, went to the living room, retrieved my personal copy of this masterpiece, and inserted it into the DVD player. I informed my gracious wife that we would now be watching The Karate Kid in its entirety — no horrendous cuts, no bad overdubs, and no upside down exclamation points. Just Daniel, Mr. Myagi, Ali, and the demise of the Cobra Kai exactly the way God intended them. Amen. So we did. And it was good.

So I’m 31, a husband, a dad, and by some accounts a pastor, and this is my life. And it is good.

P.S. As I assured my wife Sunday evening, I got over Ali a long time ago. No, really.

Karate_kid_03

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4 thoughts on “The following really happened in our home:

  1. I’m sure this will be no surprise to you, elder thad, but i also love this film. it’s only pseudo-flaw is a complete and utter lack of numchucks. those dums-dums from cobra kai deserved a crazk or two across their “yes sensei” mouths from a well-placed chuck, but they never got it, cuz danielsan had the honor to do it the hard way, in the ring, by the rules. you have to respect him for that, even if he did blow it with ali by wearing white jeans and candy-apple-red windbreaker. most films have to rely on the flagrant use of numchucks to achieve the level of quality that this one does. this one thrives, numchuck-free. and we all know how tough that is to do in this scary world.
    i’ll leave you with this (cue kick-a 80’s music)…
    “you’re the best… a-round! and nuthin’s gonna ever keep you down!”

  2. did you? did you get over Ali? did any of us “really” get over Ali with an “i”? I submit that we HAVEN’T. Deep within us, we were all looking for an Ali when we found our ladies. I will now shift to speaking for myself instead of “us” some of whom were probably actually cool in high school. outsider? absolutely. dork? guilty. easily physically bested by blonde haired guys on motorcross bikes? every other weekend. lifelong friends with an old asian man with a saki addiction, a lost love in Okinowa, and hatred of winged insects? yes, yes, yes. this was me…but I found a girl who valued me despite my idiosyncracies, my high voice, and boyish charm. she taught me to juggle a soccer ball, oh, and how to love. she was rich, I was poor. she was a wasp and i was an italian emigrant with a chip on my shoulder which only fell off the day i put johnny on the mat.
    seriously, bethany was a cheerleader, prom queen, homecoming queen, etc., etc., etc.
    I worked hard at not getting my ass kicked, or shot (rough south texas public school). I was the secretary of the french club and won the state competition as a sophmore …..texas junior historians state competition, that is! i can assure you i did NOT get a letterman’s jacket for that one.
    so, no, I never got over Ali with an “i”….I married one. That is more miraculous than the crane kick or the fact that the actor who played blonde haired Johnny of the Cobra’s came to Christ and makes independent films which introduce the Messiah in an unthreatening manner to a lost audience — film title “Most”.
    there I said it.

  3. Oh, the memories that movie brings. I was in elementary school – smart, shy, and totally uncool. But no matter how depressing life was, I could always escape and live vicariously through Danielsan. His pain was my pain. His triumphs were my triumphs. And one day, I would indeed be him.
    Here was my true dream for at least a year of my life. It played over and over again in my head: All the cool kids would get up together in front of everyone for talent day in music class (just as they always did). They would perform some display of great athleticism (again, just as they always did). All of a sudden, I would enter the scene in a blaze of glory. No, I wouldn’t take them all out with the crane – I could have never laid a hand on those I respected so much. And after all, I learned how to fight so I wouldn’t have to fight. Instead, I would grab a microphone and sing that fabled chorus referenced by the great rk above. And the show would go on, better than ever. The missing piece was found, and everyone would have goosebumps.
    So who’s impressing Ali now???

  4. i never really understood this film. i was always a stud and could get any girl i pleased, so i do not understand why danielson would wear white underwear and be a slave for a chinaman and act like a crane – certainly one of the gayest of all birds.
    just kidding!
    i agree with ross, a numchuck across the face was warranted, but honor won over.
    and i am certainly surprised to hear of mark’s high school accomplishments – and just when i thought i knew everything about you.
    i will say ‘cheers’ to all of us for finding some pretty incredible women for our otherwise mediocre lives.
    cheers!

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