I’m thinking about becoming a smoker

I know what you’re thinking – lung cancer, emphysema, early death, blah, blah, blah. Spare me the scare tactics. Listen people, our bodies are all in a state of gradual degeneration, tobacco or no. Besides, I know lots of old people who smoke and are still alive. Dead people don’t cough like that and they sure can’t talk through those Stephen Hawking voice boxes.

So I guess you’re wondering why I’m going to start smoking. It’s just that we’ve had lots of crazy stuff happening in our lives over the last couple of months – the kind of stuff that often leaves you in that odd state of physical and mental stress that you can’t really find an expression for. That’s a frustrating place to be, and I just started noticing that the folks who stand immediately outside the doors (through which hundreds of non-smoking Homo sapiens pass every day) of the (state-owned, public) building I work in seem to have found a tangible physical expression for their angst. Something about the way they hold the cigarette and suck the life (or death?) out of it makes me think they’re really workin’ some stuff out with every drag. I mean, can blowing noxious chemicals from your tar-coated lungs into the virginal airways of defenseless bystanders be anything but therapeutic? So hey – I’m in.

Besides, this will apparently turn me into an extreme sports bad ass (who can write in Chinese)…

or a cowboy…

or a smooth jazz camel…

UPDATE: Apparently this is also something I can do with my daughter when she arrives this summer…


This whole girl thing has thrown me for a loop anyway, and I’ve been trying to figure out ways I’ll be able to connect with her. With this new information, I’m definitely in.

13 thoughts on “I’m thinking about becoming a smoker

  1. It has been awhile. Good to have you back – smoke and all.
    The odd thing to me about the people who smoke together is that they build community for no other reason than they smoke. When I worked at Delta, the smokers inevitably knew more people in the office than I did (including the managers), although I am quite a people person, just because they always hung out together outside puffing away.
    They shared something that we, non-smokers, never could.
    So I applaud your efforts and I am sure you will find this to be one of the greatest father/daughter bonding experiences.

  2. Smoking could be good for you. At the same time, you help farmers in the 3rd world (and here), create a tax base for most states’ health care plans for the poor, only reduce your life by 4-7 years (but you gain a whole bunch of friends outside of buildings), and support the founders of this democracy (growing the stuff was mandated by law in some states).
    Smoke out,
    dr. jayhawk

  3. Check out one of my favorite album covers from one of my favorite bands.
    Interesting tidbit: one of the previous the brother of a previous “Marlboro Man” goes to my church.
    While you’re looking at pictures, don’t forget to look at this one.

  4. Book, the fact that you still have that photo is enormously disturbing to me. It officially crossed the line from funny to creepy a while ago.

  5. I discovered it when I was uploading the other photo. It’s not like it’s my desktop image… anymore.
    Also, I may or may not have discreetly imported some cubans a few weeks ago when I was on a cruise to Mexico.

  6. thad,
    don’t let your daughter see that photo – she will be confused and she will want to start smoking.

  7. look at Shane throwing down the funny!
    I would only like to say that this is the most genius idea you’ve had in a long time, Thad. I think this is great. There’s a whole world of tobacco- and tobacco-related products to choose from! Cigars! Cigarillos! Pipes! Snuff! Chaw! Etc! It’s going to be great, all right. I will be there by your side the first time you smoke or chew too much and your body rejects the toxins by vomiting or gagging. I’ll be front and center, just laughing my head off, because GOOD FOR YOU THAD! YOU’RE OUT THERE MAKING IT HAPPEN!

  8. thad,
    go pipe.
    ever read wendell berry’s ethics of tobacco smoking? its a chapter in his book economy, sex, freedom and something or other..

  9. As I see people walking out of our office to go smoke, I like to pull one person aside and ask if they have an extra I can have. Since they know I don’t smoke, it is interesting to see the responses I get. It ranges from everything between shock and dissapointment, possibly including a friendly punch in the arm or stomach, to “welcome to our world”. I think I’ve even gotten a giddy-up!, ala Cosmo.
    As a father of 2 young daughters, all I can say is that it will probably be even easier for her to wrap you around her finger than whatever state Aiden has you in. I consider myself more “strict” or whatever with them compared to my wife, but I still have to admit that when they look at me, I pretty much melt.

  10. thad
    great to have you back in the blog world once again
    smoking– yes. do it. there is nothing better than sitting at a table with a beer and a cigarette. people approach you differently, like you’re all hard and have seen the worst of life — instantly, you’ve got a story and are “approachable” in a way that the straight laced/high achievers aren’t.
    It’s sort of a Steinbeck thing; I don’t know why, but I am WAY more likely to approach a dude with a cig and a beer than I am an exec. and his latte —– but maybe, thats just me, I prefer a blue to a white collar anyday
    girl — I don’t know man, the wife and I were just talking the other day about adopting and I have to say that I wouldn’t know what to do with a daughter. girls kinda freek me out. There are only 3 girls I know of who DIDN’T totally spaz out when they hit 14-19. They are all nice and sweet, then they become monsters, then back to normal. I don’t get it. Maybe that’s just my experience and I am full of crap. But….
    I’m sure you’ll do fine; you’ll be “cool” during that rebellion phase they go through because you’ll be at the bar with the cig and beer. Maybe you could hang out with her and her friends when they go nuts — buy them the goods and all.
    I was approached by a kid once who pulled the “hey mister, would you buy me cigs b/c I’m underage”. I was like, “sure, kid, what brand?”. Is that bad? I was in a real “F the system” mindset back then, so I wasn’t real responsible or a father.
    female photo of Thad — sleek and sexy — you could definitely hang out with your rebellious daughter and her friends
    that is all

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