Famous people make me nervous

Wait, wait…I don’t mean that the way you think I mean it. I don’t mean “palm sweating, voice quivering, omigawdisthatjlo?” kind of nervous. What I mean is I believe that fame is very, very dangerous, and I have a hard time trusting that anyone who has achieved (a verb that is certainly imprecise in its connotation in this case) fame has not had part of his/her soul devoured. Sound crazy or rash? Maybe, but I don’t think my nervousness is altogether irrational. Let me explain.

Well, before I explain, it’s probably worthwhile to issue a couple of my predictable context prefaces (which also occasionally morph into disclaimers). First, this particular rant is unprovoked. Okay, so not really, but it is in the sense that I haven’t had a particular recent encounter or experience with someone famous that provoked me. To the extent that this is provoked, it’s mostly a cumulative effect. And, beyond that, it’s just a good day to put a hot poker to lies and illusions. Why? Because it’s always a good day to put a hot poker to lies and illusions.

The second bit of context is this – I have a worldview. So do you, whether you realize it or not. It’s important to me that this site is accessible and worthwhile for a diverse collection of people, not so much because I have mass appeal or diversity as a goal, but because the loose-fitted community that has tended to hang around here is, at least in some ways, diverse. We’ve covered that before. That said, there would be little point to me continuing to post if I tried to boil the edge and opinion out of everything to make sure I didn’t lose or offend people. So I don’t. I mention that because what follows is a loose and incomplete assortment of thoughts and questions on fame as it relates to the Kingdom of God and following Jesus. Even if that doesn’t sound like your thing, you should play along with us anyway. I’m going to make fun of Christians if that helps. Oh wait, now the Christians are getting mad. Get over yourselves – none of you are famous anyway, so you’ll walk away with minimal bleeding (I said minimal, not not bloodless).

So anyway, if famous people make me nervous, famous Christians make me really nervous. The roots of this distrust are fairly deep for me, although they have at times been tangled up under the surface with roots of unhealthy admiration for and/or jealousy of some of the same people. I like to think most of those other roots have been yanked from the soil of my life, but I’m sure I’ll come upon a stray piece now and then as I continue to dig around in there.

Over time I’ve experienced varying levels of confusion, anger, cynicism, and grace on this issue. I’ll let you measure my words to determine my current state (if that matters to anyone but me), but I think I’m starting to settle into some real conviction to the end of wanting what God wants. That sometimes means awkward and hard declaration and conversation, but I think the Church needs to start having some family meetings about the parts of the house that are in disarray. So I guess I’m calling a family meeting, even if only about 20 people in all of Christendom will show up.

[Meeting commences…]

So, I’ve called you all here today because…

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With apologies to my cousin Dan and all of the little people this hurts (minimum wage arena workers, folks on the assembly line at the puck factory, false tooth makers, and barbers specializing in mullet maintenance), this doesn’t make me sad. At all.

Game over

My apologies to those of you who were confused by the weird posts of the last week. It was necessary for me to communicate in that way to root out a sneaky little stinker who was toying with me via strange web searches. It seems my post on the searches leading to my site inspired someone to concoct as many bizarre and disturbing searches possible that would, by some odd combination of words, lead to my site. I would then discover this search. It became a fairly entertaining game of cat and mouse, and I eventually nabbed the Blog-Search Bandit. His name is Efrain, and he is now in the custody of a secret ops squad who are at liberty to use all sorts of creative interrogation techniques. Good luck, Efrain.

You taunt me?

Funny guy. The game, as they say, is on. I supply the fuel; let’s see what you can do with it. You set the bar high with that first effort. Surely you can do better than the latest.

How people get trapped in this little cul-de-sac

I’ve never done this before, but here’s a list of some of the internet searches that have led (or misled) people to our little blogorhood in the last few weeks:

  • thad norvell blog – Here I am. Pretty disappointing, huh?
  • proper form for layup – I’m definitely the wrong guy for that. Just ask my 8th grade teammates (some of whom actually lurk around here).
  • listeater.jpg – …not sure you want to see that.
  • urine that smells like bacon – I’m not kidding. In fact, our urologically-warped friend Smanny has made me the number one return for this phrase on at least one search engine. Scary.
  • thad norvell home anywhere – Still here. I’m impressed you remembered the name of the place.
  • when is stevie brock’s birthday? – Sorry, no idea. I don’t even know who Stevie Brock is. In fact, I have no idea how you got here looking for Stevie. But tell him happy birthday for me.
  • dangers of laptops – Off the lap, boys. Or is it off the boys, boys?
  • oldman in the old folks home – Thirty is right around the corner, but not yet.
  • —– ——‘s girlfriend – Those blanks represent the name of one of my friends. I’m not going to post his name because he’s married and it just looks bad to have people searching the internet for your girlfriend when you’re married. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, for the record. Or so he says. [Quit counting blanks, weirdo. They are not proportional to the actual name.]
  • thad norvell blog (again) – Still here.
  • Charlie Peacock 2005 – I once sat next to him in church, but I still haven’t finished his book. Maybe this search is a suggestion: Thad, 2005 is the year to read Charlie’s book. I’ll read it soon. No, really. I will. Quit googling me your judgments on my current lapse in reading discipline.
  • Various other listeater queries – I never knew my site traffic would benefit so much from this little piece of Aggie lore. Thanks, listeater.
  • urine "smells like butter" – Dear sad people with odd-smelling urine disorders: I cannot help you. I have my own bladder issues to contend with. I can’t solve everyone else’s. Go see a doctor.
  • Chevy Chase autographs – He should have retired after Christmas Vacation.
  • Carmelo Anthony signing autographs – No, that was just me posing as a game show host at Wal Mart. Perhaps my layup form fooled you.
  • classic essays online e. b. white – Read as many as you can find. If you think he’s just the guy who wrote Charlotte’s Web, you’re like the people who think Lyle Lovett is just the really weird looking country guy who was once married to Julia Roberts. Swim toward the deep end.
  • thad norvell blog – Bookmarks, people. If you’re managing to turn your computer on often enough to search me out like this, learning to bookmark web pages is a natural next step in computer literacy. Consult the nearest third grader to learn this skill.

More to come, I assume. It’s too bad I didn’t start keeping track when I was getting major hits from people searching out pimps and such.