Someone page me when the debates begin.

I know a little about debate. I’ll spare you my high school resume, but I devoted enough time and energy to competitive debate over a period of five years to fit safely into the category of debate geek. Perhaps only for that reason, I’ve tried to tune into the campaign forays into debate. I watched the first two on TV, and I listened to most of the third tonight as we drove to our new home in Bryan. In the opinion of this recovering debate geek, these little one-act plays we’re being subjected to are just slightly north of utterly pointless and silly. I mean, seriously, how many more times do we need to hear Bush use the phrase, “wrong war, wrong time, wrong place?” We get it. How much more convincing do we need that Kerry knows how to say “rush to war” and “I have a plan to win the peace.” Thanks guys, but we heard you the first seventy-three times. We know what you think of each other, and we know what you think of yourselves.

What we don’t know is whether either of you actually has the ability to think beyond the sixteen phrases you’ve been trained to repeat like my son’s talking Elmo by Karl Rove and whatever Democratic marionette is pulling JK’s strings. What we don’t know is whether either of you has the sa — er, excuse me — fortitude to actually hold up under any kind of unrehearsed or detailed challenge. Every time I hear the debate moderator say, “The candidates may not ask one another questions” I nearly choke. Come on guys! There are ninth graders going at it for hours at a time in debate tournaments every Saturday with more courage and resolve than the two of you can pool together for ninety minutes. I hope they typed those thirty pages of Rules to Prevent Any Semblance of Actual Debate on pink paper and tied a pretty little bow around them. Sheesh.

I suggest you make an effort to visit a local high school debate tournament at some point in the near future. Just be warned – if you’ve somehow found a way to convince yourself that something real or important is going on in these little joint regurgitations, those high school kids will ruin your day. You might not even be able to tune in to the next round of clashless, mind-numbing tongue-wagging on Wednesday night. And for that, you can thank me (and the ninth graders) later.

EDIT: And don’t even get me started on this whole gaggle of spinsters that flood the airwaves the instant the debates end. Apparently Americans are too dumb to evaluate what they witnessed for 90 minutes, so they need these yapping noggins to tell us what happened. SHUT UP! These people get paid to lie, or at least to say exactly what they’re supposed to say with absolutely no respect to reality. The other night Joe Lockhart looked into the camera and told three consecutive lies as he was getting hammered by Chris Matthews. He knew he was lying. Matthews knew he was lying. I knew he was lying. And what was he lying about? His campaign’s position on George W. Bush’s honesty. How many showers do these guys have to take every night just to get enough of the “dirty” off of themselves to sleep? Oh wait, do vampires sleep? For what it’s worth, I could say the same about the Republican spin-masters, although every time I hear Karen Hughes talk I wonder why she’s not the one on the ticket.

I’ve decided I’m fully in favor of getting Nader into the debates from now on. At least when Perot wormed his way onto the stage, something interesting was happening.

Okay, I think I’ve sufficiently decompressed from a full evening of moving.

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7 thoughts on “Someone page me when the debates begin.

  1. Do you think, Thad, you may a little too judgmental when referencing two of the most highly esteemed politicians in the nation? Really, Thad, the election is just around the corner like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, all of which are fabrications of someone’s imagination. Some how, some where, some way, some time, some one has to create something holographic that looks like a real live candidate for the election on November 2. Besides, I personally think the last debates were great for America. Like many of the Americans across the country, it provided them and me with ninety minutes of uninterrupted television. No commercials, no news breaks, “no noth’n” as I’m often told. Not only were commercials that elevate in volume by fifteen times not a concern, I also didn’t have to worry about what I was missing on the other channels. I didn’t have to surf through the channels to see if there were different shots or different scripts or different questions because I knew every channel would be the same (when you don’t have cable, selection is very limited.) Seldom does the opportunity arise for me and my fellow Americans to be able to rest soundly for ninety minutes of uninterrupted sleep that occurred for my grandchild and me this very night and the night preceding this event. If you had not beem yelling at the clowns on the TV, little Aiden might have been able to sleep better as well. Come on dad, give us a break. The American Political Parties have!

  2. Thad, I was wondering what you thought of these debates since I am well aware of your debate resume. 🙂 Hubby and I agree with your thoughts. Although we were a little surprised that Kerry actually answered the abortion and stem cell research question.

  3. To me, the “debates” are the way they are because we have a very uninformed electorate. The “debates” are more like political comercials than actual debates. They don’t even answer the actual question half the time. I keep wondering why we even have them. They would be much more entertaining if the candidates got in the ring and went at it. It would be like WWF with a politcal angle. A tag team match would be GREAT! They could wear masks and tights and… Ok, scratch that idea. Never mind 8^).

  4. Be happy that they are at least emulating your high school glory days. Do any of the candidates show any interest in math contests? No!!! What a travesty!! What a sham!!! What a mockery!!! It’s a travshammockery!!!

  5. These stupid farces wear out my pants, too. I wish politics was real in our particular nation, because it’s where I live and it’s where all my friends are. Unfortunately, we have to vote on which cartoon we like better, not knowing AT ALL what our Collective Favorite Cartoon will do about ANYTHING once said CRC enters the office of King of Nations. It’s so unsettling that I find repose not in voting, but in Apple Jacks cereal by Kelloggs, which will NEVER let me down, never abuse my trust, and never sell me out to lobby groups with more money. When I plunk down my 3.45, I know EXACTLY what I’m getting. These televised bastards not only don’t answer the questions they’re asked, but they have no qualms about their ‘opponent’ doing the same. If I was up there, my goodness, I’d be going haywire about the fact that the other guys IS NOT ANSWERING THE QUESTION HE’S ASKED. These guys are buffoons.
    And here’s just a little thought: does anybody else out there question whether GWbush is even a leader?–I mean in the Real World, this-guy-makes-me-want-to-follow-him sense? Seriously, if he didn’t have any money, and he entered IBM corporate as an underling, would he show qualities that would arrest the higher ups and make them want to promote him to leadership positions? I’m just asking, because that stuff never happened to this guy. He started with a wad of dad’s money, was instantly president of whatever he did, and then bought stuff. Is that what a leader is?

  6. Yes, I think this may be the year that Roy takes his team to the promise land. What’s that? You say that Roy is with North Carolina now? Oh, sorry.
    Btw, my wife and her family do not find my humor the least bit funny. They bleed that Rock Chalk stuff. Kind of nasty if you ask me.

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